Time to break The Rules: Why sleeping with a man on the first night is no dating disaster

It's time to throw The Rules away, new research suggests.

The 1996 seminal guide to dating has become a way of life for many women who are dedicated to snagging Mr Right.

But Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., author of Deal breakers: When to work on a relationship and when to walk away, says that those women and men who follow regimented rules may have got it wrong.

Out with The Rules? Experts say that not only can sex on a first date be no bad thing, but cohabiting before marriage is also deemed unproblematic as long as both partners are honest as to the future

'Playing by specific rules can make you less likely to pay attention to your own inner voice and experiences,' she told Women's Health.
Some of the most famous rules of the dating guide are: 'No more than casual kissing on the first date' and 'don't rush into sex, wait at least three dates.'

 

But, casual sex can become something more meaningful and lasting, according to a recent study at the University of Iowa.
Anthony Paik, Ph.D., an assistant professor of sociology, told the magazine: 'People now view hooking up as a predictable, normal part of life and don't let it contaminate or poison the beginning of a relationship.'

Beyond the third date: Blake Lively is said to have snagged Leonardo DiCaprio by using The Rules. But experts say some of the mantras may be worth ignoring

So much so, the study shows, that 'a significant percentage of current relationships began with nonromantic sex.'

One of the other key Rules is, at number 22: Don’t live with a man (or leave your things in his apartment).'
However, according to National Center for Health Statistics, cohabiting before marriage does not affect the chances of a successful and happy union.

The Rules: The 1995 guide became an international best-seller and has garnered both praise and criticism

Bill Cloke, Ph.D., told the magazine that it is the reason for moving in together, rather than the act itself, that is so vital to be honest about.

'Couples just need to be honest about why they're deciding to move in together,' said the author of Happy Together: Creating a Lifetime of Connection, Commitment, and Intimacy.
'Is it a test run to see if the relationship is a good fit, with the option to bail if it isn't? That's a failing proposition from the get-go.'

As long as couples are on the same page as one another in terms of the future, and have made an emotional commitment to get there, living together before matrimony is no bad thing, he suggests.

The Rules have been seeing somewhat of a renaissance of late, their black-and-white diktat apparently ensuring Blake Lively and Kate Middleton snagged their other halves - Leonardo diCaprio and Prince William - respectively.

Other old-fashioned mantras that the magazine suggests may be worth moving on from, are 'never go to bed angry,' 'don't talk about money matters unless you're married' and 'sex needs to be spontaneous to be hot.'

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